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survivors' guilt?
Aug. 4th, 2005 12:47 amThe last couple of days have been weird, but, in a way, productive.
I mentioned in a friends-only post that a girl I used to know - not a friend, not really an enemy, just someone who occasionally hung out with some of the same people as me during my freshman year of college and at various times (but not at the same time) since then, and who I occasionally got along with and occasionally didn't - died really horribly last week, and I found out about it relatively late, and it upset me, to a degree that I wouldn't have predicted.
At the same time it isn't a personal tragedy for me or anything; it isn't about me at all. The only thing that's about me is that hearing about what happened to her has affected my mood, and I'm writing about it on my journal just now. It's been a pretty sharp memento mori. So in the last few days I've been doing a lot of thinking about how I spend my time and how I would rather be spending my time, not just today or tomorrow but for the next few years. I hope good things will come of it.
Still, I feel like a complete shit having a "renewed sense of purpose" as the result of an acquaintance's violent death. And I think that's the end of what I have to say on the matter.
I mentioned in a friends-only post that a girl I used to know - not a friend, not really an enemy, just someone who occasionally hung out with some of the same people as me during my freshman year of college and at various times (but not at the same time) since then, and who I occasionally got along with and occasionally didn't - died really horribly last week, and I found out about it relatively late, and it upset me, to a degree that I wouldn't have predicted.
At the same time it isn't a personal tragedy for me or anything; it isn't about me at all. The only thing that's about me is that hearing about what happened to her has affected my mood, and I'm writing about it on my journal just now. It's been a pretty sharp memento mori. So in the last few days I've been doing a lot of thinking about how I spend my time and how I would rather be spending my time, not just today or tomorrow but for the next few years. I hope good things will come of it.
Still, I feel like a complete shit having a "renewed sense of purpose" as the result of an acquaintance's violent death. And I think that's the end of what I have to say on the matter.
