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Sep. 16th, 2001
(no subject)
Sep. 16th, 2001 06:38 amSo... I haven't been talking about much of International Importance the past few days.
Because primarily I found that the way to stay sane and not be any more of a nervous wreck than usual was to turn to other things. I still keep up on the news, but I'm not checking every fifteen minutes like I was on Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm probably going to talk to my doctor this coming week about putting me on more drugs. 20mg/day of Paxil isn't really doing it right now, and I should probably also be on a benzo. You would not like to be with me in a car, lately; I grip the handles with knuckles that are a pale cliché. My anxiety is always worst in cars. I am a terrible passenger because I always feel that other drivers are taking liberties with my personal safety (and I mean the driver of the car I'm IN, not the cars around me!)
& nothing I say matters, if I try to be deep; so I don't try. Glibness, depth, they don't change anything. They do fuck-all. I'm trying to find unrelated things to smile and be happy about. We are all powerless, no matter what we think of what's going on. In the world. Right now. The US Government does not support assassinations. We'd rather go for collateral damage by bombing people when we don't like something their ruler has done. I have a lot of Serbian friends, did you know that? They were heartsick when their country was bombed. None of them supported Milosevic and few knew anyone who did. and he was an actual ruler of an actual country. not a suspected terrorist kingpin with multinational ties.
I was talking to a friend earlier on AIM and she referred to bin Laden as "insane". I disagreed. It's just easier (a la Foucault) to describe someone as "insane" when they are outside the norm and we don't understand their actions. It's hard for us to believe that someone might be sane and have cooked up a plan like what happened Tuesday. She continually insisted that he's insane, he's a paranoid raving maniac, etc. & I said, "and then there is the possibility that he's perfectly sane and just plain evil, which is the one I favor, and which is a lot scarier than simply writing him or someone like him off as insane."
( and some further comments... )
Because primarily I found that the way to stay sane and not be any more of a nervous wreck than usual was to turn to other things. I still keep up on the news, but I'm not checking every fifteen minutes like I was on Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm probably going to talk to my doctor this coming week about putting me on more drugs. 20mg/day of Paxil isn't really doing it right now, and I should probably also be on a benzo. You would not like to be with me in a car, lately; I grip the handles with knuckles that are a pale cliché. My anxiety is always worst in cars. I am a terrible passenger because I always feel that other drivers are taking liberties with my personal safety (and I mean the driver of the car I'm IN, not the cars around me!)
& nothing I say matters, if I try to be deep; so I don't try. Glibness, depth, they don't change anything. They do fuck-all. I'm trying to find unrelated things to smile and be happy about. We are all powerless, no matter what we think of what's going on. In the world. Right now. The US Government does not support assassinations. We'd rather go for collateral damage by bombing people when we don't like something their ruler has done. I have a lot of Serbian friends, did you know that? They were heartsick when their country was bombed. None of them supported Milosevic and few knew anyone who did. and he was an actual ruler of an actual country. not a suspected terrorist kingpin with multinational ties.
I was talking to a friend earlier on AIM and she referred to bin Laden as "insane". I disagreed. It's just easier (a la Foucault) to describe someone as "insane" when they are outside the norm and we don't understand their actions. It's hard for us to believe that someone might be sane and have cooked up a plan like what happened Tuesday. She continually insisted that he's insane, he's a paranoid raving maniac, etc. & I said, "and then there is the possibility that he's perfectly sane and just plain evil, which is the one I favor, and which is a lot scarier than simply writing him or someone like him off as insane."
( and some further comments... )
(no subject)
Sep. 16th, 2001 05:22 pmIt took me way too long to fall asleep last night. All of this has to do with when I was sleeping in my mother's room Tuesday through Thursday - she kept me up reeeeeeally late Thursday night, and so Friday afternoon I went and slept in the living room for a few hours, which meant that Friday and Saturday nights I've been up later and later.
Last night I only got about 5 hours of sleep at most. I woke up early this afternoon in a lot of pain... girly cramps actually woke me up. Eeeek! I could feel them rolling in waves up and down my back, and I almost threw up. I also had the kind of alarming sexual dreams that women get sometimes with bad cramps.
At any rate, my momster brought me some tea and toaster waffles and water and tylenol and aleve, and I settled in with lots of pillows and blankets to watch Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. And promptly fell asleep around the time Lo sneaks into Jen's room, and woke up during Shu Lien and Jen's duel in Shu Lien's dojo. I'm feeling groggy now, but otherwise better than I was when I woke up.
On the planner: drawing homework, design homework, angst, more sleep, dinner. The momster actually went to the grocery store, so I'm looking forward to that whole "food" experience. I'm realizing as I work on endless collages for design (that are not the kind of thing I like to do... they're academic exercises with set parameters) that I really prefer 3D to 2D. Um, oops.
Last night I only got about 5 hours of sleep at most. I woke up early this afternoon in a lot of pain... girly cramps actually woke me up. Eeeek! I could feel them rolling in waves up and down my back, and I almost threw up. I also had the kind of alarming sexual dreams that women get sometimes with bad cramps.
At any rate, my momster brought me some tea and toaster waffles and water and tylenol and aleve, and I settled in with lots of pillows and blankets to watch Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. And promptly fell asleep around the time Lo sneaks into Jen's room, and woke up during Shu Lien and Jen's duel in Shu Lien's dojo. I'm feeling groggy now, but otherwise better than I was when I woke up.
On the planner: drawing homework, design homework, angst, more sleep, dinner. The momster actually went to the grocery store, so I'm looking forward to that whole "food" experience. I'm realizing as I work on endless collages for design (that are not the kind of thing I like to do... they're academic exercises with set parameters) that I really prefer 3D to 2D. Um, oops.
(no subject)
Sep. 16th, 2001 10:30 pmI'm having a hard time with this assignment for my design class... we're creating a game based on design concepts. I did this a year ago, and got stuck doing the whole game for my group, which is why I hate group work with a passion. This time the concept my group has to address is "Rhythm". Rhythm? Yeah.
So, I have just discovered that the concepts as they are addressed are very vague, primarily because our book is crap, and the game, which has to be presented on Thursday, is going to be more complicated than previously expected, because we were using music to illustrate types of rhythm. Problem - musical rhythm is figured differently from visual rhythm, because the elements required for unity in a musical composition are different.
So I'm feeling kind of screwed. Our initial plan involved playing snatches of songs, showing line drawings that go with them, having the class match the song rhythm with the drawing meant to represent it. It appears that won't work. Another problem is a tendency in music to draw emotion and sensation not from rhythm but from instrumentation (strings etc) and melody. Argh!
So, I have just discovered that the concepts as they are addressed are very vague, primarily because our book is crap, and the game, which has to be presented on Thursday, is going to be more complicated than previously expected, because we were using music to illustrate types of rhythm. Problem - musical rhythm is figured differently from visual rhythm, because the elements required for unity in a musical composition are different.
So I'm feeling kind of screwed. Our initial plan involved playing snatches of songs, showing line drawings that go with them, having the class match the song rhythm with the drawing meant to represent it. It appears that won't work. Another problem is a tendency in music to draw emotion and sensation not from rhythm but from instrumentation (strings etc) and melody. Argh!
