(no subject)

Well, my grandmother is in the hospital, in traction... apparently she broke her hip at least a week ago. She has very poor balance and is frail, and falls a lot. My grandfather (who is in a relatively advanced stage of Parkinson's) took her to the hospital last week, but nothing came of it. Tonight he was at his mistress's house (don't ask) when my uncle who lives with them and who has been carrying my grandmother to the bathroom and stuff took her to the hospital.

Surgery is tomorrow. They don't know how she's going to do with the anaesthetic. I think they might wait an extra day or two to make sure she is strong enough. I don't think a hip replacement is too bad - my other grandmother, who is older, albeit stronger, had hip replacement this fall and was in physical therapy the next day & is now doing pretty well.

But still, there are a lot of things to worry about... & my mom is really mad at her 4 brothers who live pretty nearby (within an hour's drive) and don't go to see my grandmother much. & talking about going up there to nurse her. But my grandmother has a habit of being pretty rude to my mom, and my mom also spent most of last year intensively nursing her husband... and the 13 years before that nursing him less intensively, as he was in a wheelchair and paraplegics require a lot of special care. I really think it would be a bad idea... I think my grandmother needs a professional nurse. If my mom went to do that now it would basically completely ruin her life and insure that she'd be broke forever (for a list of reasons I can't get into).

so this is what has been going on tonight.

(no subject)

I'm sitting here looking at pages related not specifically to CFIDS but to candidiasis, which is what I am trying to treat right now. Since it's largely an "alternative" area of medicine, there isn't a consensus on what should be done, what to take, what foods to avoid... and 99% of information pages are selling their own specific product.

Some say no sweeteners at all, but cheeses are OK as long as they aren't moldy. Some say stevia and, after a week or so, fruit, are OK as sweeteners, but no cheese is allowed whatsoever. The contradictions just go on and on.

& finally it came to me in a big swelling of misery... I am so tired of being ill. I have been ill very frequently since 1987, with some reprieves here and there; I have almost certainly been ill for the past twelve to eighteen months with virtually no reprieves (if my head doesn't hurt, I have a sore throat or an ear infection; if not that, I have a churning stomachache; if not that, all my joints ache like mad).

So I'm angry and sad and I don't know what to do... I'm just tired of feeling this way. One thing, though... I'm not going to fucking cry.