(no subject)

I just got home about an hour ago.

I got up around 5PM (which was actually not a ton of sleep... enough to get by, though). Took a shower, called B., generally got ready to go out. I wore my new dress & my big boots & actually curled my hair so it would do something, as we were considering going dancing. Since we were leaving a bit early for that, we decided to go to one of the big Orlando bookstores first. His current obsession is Mabel Normand (a comedienne of silent films who worked with Mack Sennett & Fatty Arbuckle a lot & was involved in 3 big scandals). Oh, and being a groovy boy, he remembered to bring the Pixies cds he burned for me a few months ago. Yay!

A woman was performing there at the store... she wasn't bad... she was doing some kind of jazzy/folky act, & her speaker was right above my head, so her high notes kind of hurt. I looked at knitting books and B mocked me, so I offered to teach him to knit so that he would have something to occupy him while he spends seven months of the year watching Red Sox games. We both had coffee and got sandwiches with bacon on them (turkey club croissant for me, BLT for him).

By the time we left, neither of us was feeling that great, so we headed to the Virgin Megastore to sit around and see if anything was going to improve. It hasn't... I feel really nauseous, and he almost threw up in the car on the way back. So either both of us didn't do well with coffee (a possibility), or the bacon was off. That's all I can think of. Bleah. Now I am sitting here eating soup. I don't feel sick, but I do feel "under the weather". I did have about as good a time as can be expected when queasy.

I found an inexpensive book on Cavalier King Charles Spaniels and brought it home; if we decide not to get a dog, I can always take it back. I also got milk and icecream at the convenience store close to home.

now I am just feeling kind of warm and achy.

This is my Mokey. I am going to sit with him. Girl meets monkey & feels consoled. He goes on long car rides with me, & sits with me when I don't feel good. He is a good little monkey, and never very curious, as he is inanimate.

(no subject)

I took that NYU-Med personality disorder test at Queendom last night, and it said I had a high likelihood of Borderline Personality disorder. What if you're borderline Borderline?

All of the symptoms were much more severe when I was a teenager... I think I really was mentally ill when I was about fifteen. Tenth grade was just nightmarish, how much everything made my head hurt... but I feel like it slowly improved. I never consciously self-injured & I don't really "get" people who cut... it's an alien concept to me. But I did spend almost my entire adolescence with bloody pulps for cuticles & still find it possible to snip off too much with the cuticle clippers, trying to get past the hardened dry skin around my fingertips, or clean them up and make them look pretty again. I'm still paranoid & have a tendency to form intense relationships, though. But the tendencies grow weaker as I age (and, honestly, since I've been on Paxil).

A couple of people got a special mail from me tonight. Nothing to worry about! It's good. It's a good thing.

My mother is being odd lately... I don't know how to characterize it. Yesterday she told me, phrased differently, that I dress in a way that makes me look fat (well, it was more like "you don't dress to slenderize yourself, you're always wearing clothes that make your chest look huge" "mom, I'm a 36DD... my chest IS huge" "but you're always wearing bras that thrust you up! and out!" "you mean... supportive bras?" etc).

Today I asked her how my hair looked when I was done quickly fixing it to go out, and she replied, "You know I don't like how you do your hair. You know I like hair much bigger than you do. Don't ask me." The thing is, I try to make my bob big. But my hair is fine and since I do so many other things to it, I don't backcomb it. I take whatever volume my mousse and styling tools give me. It's very strange. I don't think it's malicious, seems more like a neutral honesty or something. Just unlike her. Being critical is like her, but not usually about those things.

insomnia

Yes, I changed my icon. The old one (Blythe Doll) is still there and will be making appearances from time to time (actually, I'll probably go back to her and just use this Utena icon on special occasions).

Everyone likes a change now and then. I have a number of new icons I've made for myself in the past few months, but this is the first I've uploaded. It came from a wallpaper I downloaded earlier tonight. I was struck by a superficial resemblance & thought, "why not?"

oh, so sleepy. hopefully the going to bed part will work this time.

(no subject)

X-Files is mind-numbingly dull these last couple of episodes. Blah.

We have very little food in the house and I know I'm not eating enough vegetables. Very hungry. Feeling tired.

We're pretty agreed on getting a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, now, but have to puppyproof the house and start making preliminary inquiries. There aren't a lot of breeders and the best in the state is about five hours away by car. It'll be a while, still, before we get it. We want a female & will probably name her Lucy or Leeloo.