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Apr. 22nd, 2001 04:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
verbminxI took that NYU-Med personality disorder test at Queendom last night, and it said I had a high likelihood of Borderline Personality disorder. What if you're borderline Borderline?
All of the symptoms were much more severe when I was a teenager... I think I really was mentally ill when I was about fifteen. Tenth grade was just nightmarish, how much everything made my head hurt... but I feel like it slowly improved. I never consciously self-injured & I don't really "get" people who cut... it's an alien concept to me. But I did spend almost my entire adolescence with bloody pulps for cuticles & still find it possible to snip off too much with the cuticle clippers, trying to get past the hardened dry skin around my fingertips, or clean them up and make them look pretty again. I'm still paranoid & have a tendency to form intense relationships, though. But the tendencies grow weaker as I age (and, honestly, since I've been on Paxil).
A couple of people got a special mail from me tonight. Nothing to worry about! It's good. It's a good thing.
My mother is being odd lately... I don't know how to characterize it. Yesterday she told me, phrased differently, that I dress in a way that makes me look fat (well, it was more like "you don't dress to slenderize yourself, you're always wearing clothes that make your chest look huge" "mom, I'm a 36DD... my chest IS huge" "but you're always wearing bras that thrust you up! and out!" "you mean... supportive bras?" etc).
Today I asked her how my hair looked when I was done quickly fixing it to go out, and she replied, "You know I don't like how you do your hair. You know I like hair much bigger than you do. Don't ask me." The thing is, I try to make my bob big. But my hair is fine and since I do so many other things to it, I don't backcomb it. I take whatever volume my mousse and styling tools give me. It's very strange. I don't think it's malicious, seems more like a neutral honesty or something. Just unlike her. Being critical is like her, but not usually about those things.
All of the symptoms were much more severe when I was a teenager... I think I really was mentally ill when I was about fifteen. Tenth grade was just nightmarish, how much everything made my head hurt... but I feel like it slowly improved. I never consciously self-injured & I don't really "get" people who cut... it's an alien concept to me. But I did spend almost my entire adolescence with bloody pulps for cuticles & still find it possible to snip off too much with the cuticle clippers, trying to get past the hardened dry skin around my fingertips, or clean them up and make them look pretty again. I'm still paranoid & have a tendency to form intense relationships, though. But the tendencies grow weaker as I age (and, honestly, since I've been on Paxil).
A couple of people got a special mail from me tonight. Nothing to worry about! It's good. It's a good thing.
My mother is being odd lately... I don't know how to characterize it. Yesterday she told me, phrased differently, that I dress in a way that makes me look fat (well, it was more like "you don't dress to slenderize yourself, you're always wearing clothes that make your chest look huge" "mom, I'm a 36DD... my chest IS huge" "but you're always wearing bras that thrust you up! and out!" "you mean... supportive bras?" etc).
Today I asked her how my hair looked when I was done quickly fixing it to go out, and she replied, "You know I don't like how you do your hair. You know I like hair much bigger than you do. Don't ask me." The thing is, I try to make my bob big. But my hair is fine and since I do so many other things to it, I don't backcomb it. I take whatever volume my mousse and styling tools give me. It's very strange. I don't think it's malicious, seems more like a neutral honesty or something. Just unlike her. Being critical is like her, but not usually about those things.
