(no subject)

I just watched a programme which actually tweaked me a little, one of those shows on forensic pathology and anthropology, only this one (Voices of the Dead 2) was on HBO, so it was a little more graphic than the ones I've seen on other channels, up to showing a lot of police video and shots of exhumed corpses sitting on autopsy tables and such. Not the best thing to watch when you're in the house alone and prone to nervousness and morbidity. It was interesting, but the flesh on the back of my neck is creeping up to my head.

Since my last entry, I've done some laundry and hung it to dry, gained some energy, watched Office Space and John Leguizamo's Freak (well, at least in part - I was up doing other things while they were on), made myself some "tasty bunny-shaped pasta and cheese", noticed that my manicure is finally starting to chip, and pored over a few catalogues with great concentration (I need: sweaters, and a desk).

Now Flirting, which I am pretty sure was the first movie for both Nicole Kidman and Thandie Newton, is on, but once again, I'm (say it along with me here!) not paying much attention. Funny that I desperately wanted to sleep earlier and now that it's 3AM I have some energy.

Someone mentioned in their journal that they don't get why so many women mention that they're crampy in their journals. Hm. For a long time (this isn't my first online journal) I never said anything... then I was like, the heck with it. I have always had the worst cramps of anyone I knew. There have been times in my past when the cramps and nausea were so bad that I couldn't stop throwing up, and had to be taken to the hospital and given an IV for dehydration and a shot to stop the vomiting. It's not usually that bad anymore, but it is usually a good predictor of my moods, and I usually feel under the weather (low fever, aches and pains, maybe mild cold symptoms) for a few days before it starts. I'm a girl and this is what happens, this is what our bodies do, and most of the time it's uncomfortable and inconvenient at best. & since it is usually a BIG part of my day when it's going on, I'm not going to not mention it.

I think I am going to get back to the latest book (actually the book I was reading a month ago and am trying to get back to): The Alphabet Versus The Goddess by Leonard Shlain. Attempts to explain via "neuroanatomy" why the induction of literacy in a culture seems to be immediately followed by the subjugation of the feminine, the introduction of slavery, and the establishment of a martial state. I've been trying to read it for a while, but it's not a fast read. It demands a lot of attention and is dry in places.

Probably it'll be more tea and then reading and sleep. If I can sleep, what with the skin on the back of my neck wanting to get up and walk away.

(no subject)

I'm so tired... my brain quit working a few hours ago. I read a chapter of my book, but couldn't concentrate on much more between my fuzzy brain and tired eyes. But when I turned off the light to sleep, it just didn't come. I'm tired but I can't relax... or maybe I've spent the whole day and night being awake against my will, and now that I want to go to sleep, my body is rebelling. "Huh-uh, I tried to go to sleep and you didn't want me to! If I go to sleep, you're going to do something mean to me!" Recalcitrant physique.

The other day a friend of mine mentioned a mutual friend who I hadn't talked to in a long long time, and I went to his page. Mostly I was distressed to learn that he and his girlfriend, who had been a very "together" couple when I was talking to him, broke up some time ago and he moved (albeit a lot closer to where I might be able to see him from time to time). But reading his diary entries from that time led me to think about the last time he and I were in close contact.

I broke. I was broken. I was a mess. I've only really been that way twice in my life, and never before or since as wallowingly despondent as in that particular period, two years ago. This friend listened to me pour it all out and obsess over it on multiple occasions and was one of the few people who I felt I could count on and who was really supportive.

Of course, in the end, I put myself back together. It took a while. The glue just finished drying not too long ago. I'm sure his glue probably isn't anywhere near dry yet. I wish I could have been there for him when he broke, though. I feel bad that I wasn't. I was just too busy reassembling myself, and fell out of touch with just about everyone who was even peripherally involved with that situation. So *hugs* to him. He doesn't read this, but I am sending good wishes nonetheless.