Possibly - read the comments to the last few entries I've made about this. I didn't feel personally attacked - I got that you were responding to ragdoll.
The reason you may see an attitude towards this woman in my journal is about triplefold - it's not really about her illness; her illness is just one of the cards in the deck. I don't like houseguests much to begin with because Weird Shit has a habit of happening, and because they've never really been my houseguests. People my age (at any time in my past) staying with a friend and her parents are never as rude as someone older staying with a friend and her kid (who they tend to entirely disregard). In my past, houseguests have made inappropriate sexual remarks to me when I was young, ignored my cat's crying when she somehow got locked in a closet in the guest room for two days (she died a month later, the closet thing initiated her speedy decline), taken over my space and criticised everything about me while not actually speaking to me or treating me as an individual with thoughts and feelings, etc etc.
I have issues with this particular woman because she insisted on coming down here for her personal vacation while we are trying to pack up the house and move, because she's a fundie and fundies generally make me deeply uncomfortable, because I feel like she's been borderline-neglecting her daughter while here, because she lied to my mom about her reasons for coming, etc. I have known her since I was about four years old and... she has patterns which don't have much to do with her illness, attitudes and behaviors that bug me. I felt betrayed by her because of something that went on right when I moved down here (basically, I was being emotionally abused by my stepfather, and I tried to tell her about it, and her attitude was some BS about "the bible says they're right!")
Nonetheless, while I've been writing incredulous entries about this in my journal, I've been levelheaded and trying to just Do What Needs To Be Done. I don't think she should be staying here, but I wouldn't be deeply nervous about it if my mom hadn't been with her one of the last few times she had a psychotic break, and if it wasn't seriously disturbing behavior.
I guess the dichotomy is that either She Is Her Illness and I have no conscientious right to be upset about anything she does or says, even when she's "doing fine on meds" (I don't know the technical term for that), or She Is Not Her Illness and she is not exempt from any stuff that her lithium (which ostensibly works most of the time) does not suppress, with the exception of psychotic breaks and fugue states upon which the medicines aren't working. Does that make sense?
I don't think that there is anything wrong with being crazy; certainly, I have debilitating anxiety disorder and no insurance to really treat it with. I just think that the value judgment "crazy=bad" is unfair. Crazy isn't bad or good, it's just... crazy, and you have to deal with it as best you can and try to be compassionate in your treatment of the person. Crazy=bad is a semantic connotation; someone's mental illness is just a fact you have to take into consideration to decide if you can, personally, deal with them; I have limits because of my own mental illness. But venting in my journal is also an outlet, and if you want, I can put you on a filter so's you don't have to see it, cos I think you're nifty & would like you to stick around. Just remember that my gripes are based in three areas and "the lithium isn't working" is really the least of them... most of it is "houseguests in general act badly on my anxiety disorder, especially because of past bad experiences" and "i have a history, some of it unpleasant, with this woman, in situations that have little to do with her illness."
and finally, *hugs* for you, it sounds like you've had a lot to deal with. it's OK to be depressed and/or emotionally messy. it's your life, it's human nature, nobody should make you feel bad about something you can't control.
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Re: Phwump.
Date: 2003-04-28 03:09 pm (UTC)The reason you may see an attitude towards this woman in my journal is about triplefold - it's not really about her illness; her illness is just one of the cards in the deck. I don't like houseguests much to begin with because Weird Shit has a habit of happening, and because they've never really been my houseguests. People my age (at any time in my past) staying with a friend and her parents are never as rude as someone older staying with a friend and her kid (who they tend to entirely disregard). In my past, houseguests have made inappropriate sexual remarks to me when I was young, ignored my cat's crying when she somehow got locked in a closet in the guest room for two days (she died a month later, the closet thing initiated her speedy decline), taken over my space and criticised everything about me while not actually speaking to me or treating me as an individual with thoughts and feelings, etc etc.
I have issues with this particular woman because she insisted on coming down here for her personal vacation while we are trying to pack up the house and move, because she's a fundie and fundies generally make me deeply uncomfortable, because I feel like she's been borderline-neglecting her daughter while here, because she lied to my mom about her reasons for coming, etc. I have known her since I was about four years old and... she has patterns which don't have much to do with her illness, attitudes and behaviors that bug me. I felt betrayed by her because of something that went on right when I moved down here (basically, I was being emotionally abused by my stepfather, and I tried to tell her about it, and her attitude was some BS about "the bible says they're right!")
Nonetheless, while I've been writing incredulous entries about this in my journal, I've been levelheaded and trying to just Do What Needs To Be Done. I don't think she should be staying here, but I wouldn't be deeply nervous about it if my mom hadn't been with her one of the last few times she had a psychotic break, and if it wasn't seriously disturbing behavior.
I guess the dichotomy is that either She Is Her Illness and I have no conscientious right to be upset about anything she does or says, even when she's "doing fine on meds" (I don't know the technical term for that), or She Is Not Her Illness and she is not exempt from any stuff that her lithium (which ostensibly works most of the time) does not suppress, with the exception of psychotic breaks and fugue states upon which the medicines aren't working. Does that make sense?
I don't think that there is anything wrong with being crazy; certainly, I have debilitating anxiety disorder and no insurance to really treat it with. I just think that the value judgment "crazy=bad" is unfair. Crazy isn't bad or good, it's just... crazy, and you have to deal with it as best you can and try to be compassionate in your treatment of the person. Crazy=bad is a semantic connotation; someone's mental illness is just a fact you have to take into consideration to decide if you can, personally, deal with them; I have limits because of my own mental illness. But venting in my journal is also an outlet, and if you want, I can put you on a filter so's you don't have to see it, cos I think you're nifty & would like you to stick around. Just remember that my gripes are based in three areas and "the lithium isn't working" is really the least of them... most of it is "houseguests in general act badly on my anxiety disorder, especially because of past bad experiences" and "i have a history, some of it unpleasant, with this woman, in situations that have little to do with her illness."
and finally, *hugs* for you, it sounds like you've had a lot to deal with. it's OK to be depressed and/or emotionally messy. it's your life, it's human nature, nobody should make you feel bad about something you can't control.