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Nov. 6th, 2001 12:37 pmI feel immensely stifled and frustrated.
I can't say it's anything anyone is doing to me, and I'm not sure it could be something I'm doing to myself... it's just... a feeling. A vague feeling of wrongness. Of something being off. Like rolling over too much in bed and being wrapped up in sheets but being too asleep to get out of them, so just feeling constricted in my dreams and not knowing why i can't move.
I dreamt last night about seeing someone I didn't, don't want to see. I didn't enjoy it. Perhaps that is contributing to this feeling. you're not a nightmare exactly, but i can't be happy to see you... he was pestering me and i thought, "are you done yet?" and was relieved when he was gone. that feeling of pleasure and annoyance and dread that you get when you see those people. the ones you care about but cannot have in your life. i know so many of those. for a while i was losing them right and left. it's calm now and all my friends are good for me. which is nice.
I have so much to do... and everything around me feels so unreal.
I'm going to read my little book of zen cartoons now.
and try to feel open and alive.
new SOTW coming later today, for those who care.
I can't say it's anything anyone is doing to me, and I'm not sure it could be something I'm doing to myself... it's just... a feeling. A vague feeling of wrongness. Of something being off. Like rolling over too much in bed and being wrapped up in sheets but being too asleep to get out of them, so just feeling constricted in my dreams and not knowing why i can't move.
I dreamt last night about seeing someone I didn't, don't want to see. I didn't enjoy it. Perhaps that is contributing to this feeling. you're not a nightmare exactly, but i can't be happy to see you... he was pestering me and i thought, "are you done yet?" and was relieved when he was gone. that feeling of pleasure and annoyance and dread that you get when you see those people. the ones you care about but cannot have in your life. i know so many of those. for a while i was losing them right and left. it's calm now and all my friends are good for me. which is nice.
I have so much to do... and everything around me feels so unreal.
I'm going to read my little book of zen cartoons now.
and try to feel open and alive.
new SOTW coming later today, for those who care.
