this is hardcore.

Wow. Pretty fucking harsh. And deservedly so, I think.

http://www.davidbowie.com/users/seven

(oh yeah, I posted welcome messages to anxiety/panic and let's get organized.)

(no subject)

I had to sit up, just now, and declaim to the shadows around me, "You cats are naughty! You guys are agitators against sleep!" As soon as I'd turned the light out and settled into my pillows, they were up and around, being noisy. I wanted to knock furry little heads together, but instead I just gave up on sleeping for the time being and got up. My mother is up. I'm running the dishwasher and making tea for her. I'm so industrious.

Another reason I didn't feel like sleeping yet is that the ear infection is coming back full-force and I am rather uncomfortable. On top of that, my stomach has been upset for the past few days. I ate a good dinner tonight, chicken in a balsamic vinaigrette marinade with potatos and sugar-snap peas around 5 hours ago, and it zoomed right through my system (ahem). I'm hungry again and have been for hours. I haven't eaten anything because I can't figure out what would hit the spot. I'm tired; 12 hours seems to be about my limit for staying awake right now. Truthfully all my body wants to do is rest and sleep but I am trying to force myself to do at least a little more than that. Not so much that I get knocked on my butt, but enough that, say, my clothes get washed and put away, I prepare simple meals and wash dishes on occasion, I put books away when I'm done with them, etc.

On that note, the tea water is a-boiling...

(no subject)

I've been awake for a while... actually, I woke up around 11:30AM to a terrible burning smell and my mother bustling all over the house.

"What's that burning smell?"
"Nothing."
"Where are you headed?"
"Out."

Grrrr. Whatever.

After she left I went and ate and watched Christopher Lowell for a while and then decided I was still very tired, so I went back to sleep.

Now I'm awake again, though not feeling very good, and I'm supposed to be getting ready to go out. However, my mother wants me to go see either The Grinch (which I refuse to go see) or What Women Want (which I have no desire to see but won't refuse to see). I just don't feel up to it. Maybe I'll tell her to go try to rent The Virgin Suicides for me, and then she can go see The Grinch.

Ugh. My lymph nodes are swollen, my ears and throat hurt, and I'm all achy. I don't think I'm going anywhere tonight.

(no subject)

Bored bored bored bored bored...

Got The Virgin Suicides, but mom decided not to go see The Grinch ("if I had known you weren't going to the movies with me, I'd have gone to a matinee"), so now she is watching Providence (*shudder*) and we are not watching the movie that was rented. She's also moving my stuff around, mocking my exasperation, and generally pissing me off.

I was so much happier living alone.
It's not that she doesnt do things I appreciate - she does, and I do - it's that she does too many little irritating things and doesn't treat me like another adult living in the house. It's the old "you OWE me respect just because I plopped you out" argument, but I don't feel that I owe her anything she's not willing to give. She's unable to share space with me and constantly trying to dictate things... pretty much everything. How I do dishes, how I do laundry, how I organize my things in the bathroom. She has a desperate need to control and it's part of her anger/rage thing. And it drives me crazy. I don't think she should be messing with my stuff at all, or criticizing the way I do things. & if I say anything contradicting these things, or dare to disagree, she starts a tirade of yelling and namecalling, or mocks me, or otherwise leaps into a highly aggressive position.

I took a shower, and it helped with some of the lethargy but nothing else.

I guess since my evening plans have been shot, I'll just do things on my to-do list. Rah.