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I have not yet figured out "What To Do Today" and time for that is quickly waning. I've spent the afternoon doing laundry, taking a shower, enjoying the nice weather. It's breezy with a slight chill, in the upper 60s. Today I'm wearing a stripey sweater I bought when I first came home from being in Boston and DC back in September. It has extra-long sleeves and lacy trim and is striped in a lot of colors. I haven't worn it at all yet, and realised I should dig it out if I planned to wear it at all this winter. There won't be too many more "sweater days" left. I wish I had bought a black one, and have been thinking of picking up a similarly styled sweater the same store is currently selling.
Thinking about a lot of things today. Some very shallow - talking to my friend Grant about what I should do with my hair, and planning my trip to NYC, thinking of places I want to go (the Met Museum and The Cloisters, some Asian shopping places, etc). Also talking Grant through his current Girlfriend Problem, which I can't even go into. Talking to my friend H., who was my Highschool Best Friend, about the weather & her job & vacations. Talking to an LJ person who I was glad to find on AIM. Etc.
Some a little more weighty - my problems with the friend who has recently grown a second head and lost all resemblance to the human I used to know, and how she had a big tiresome crisis about a year ago, which reverberated for months, and seems to have cleared up almost entirely without any input on her part. I remember her begging me "Don't judge me! Don't judge me!" before she told me about it, because she had a pretty good idea of what I would think about the situation. I thought it was a silly, entirely-avoidable mess that even two minutes of serious thought and a small amount more in the effort department would have either avoided or cleared up, but I listened to her go on about it & I don't recall ever criticizing her or giving her a hard time, even when I thought she was dealing with it in the 100% Wrong Way. (No details, really, because I'm sure she would want to keep the whole thing as private as possible, and judging from what someone told me recently, she may have outed herself as the Person I'm Talking About.***)
I think it's ironic that she should have become so judgmental of me in the ensuing year... and again, handle it the 100% Wrong Way, up to and including point-blank lying to me when I initially asked her if something was up, making me feel like a huge ass in addition to the stuff I was already feeling as a direct result of what she was doing.
Because I don't think the whole thing has sunk in yet (since I am having problems reconciling the Unapologetic Two-Faced Alien with my "cool friend"), I've been pondering it a bit, wondering what I did, and... I didn't do anything, she just developed an attitude for whatever reason, and instead of talking to me about it before it became a problem, acted on it while still pretending to be all nicey-nice, causing me a LOT of emotional confusion and a mild spate of self-loathing that I should not have had to go through. I just didn't do anything that I should have to apologize for. You tell someone everything on the assumption that you won't be judged because that's the deal you've always had, and then it happens anyway. I guess I might miss her if I weren't currently convinced that she's been taken over by an alien and grown a second head. But I'm still so irritated with her & her games that I don't really miss her at all yet, and it's helpful that all my other friends are so extra-faboo lately.
Now I am sitting here in my sweater, and just wondering if I am going to go out to finish all this homework and studying that I need to have ready for tomorrow, or if I am going to take my sweater off, wear it tomorrow, put on comfy pajamas, and finish all this homewo--- ... oh, heck.
***the conversation was mostly about censoring myself, how I don't like to even really have friends-only entries because I have a handful of friends who read this who don't have accounts, how private entries just feel weird & cannot be referred back to in public entries, etc., and how I have been unsure how to go about talking about this problem, which is very real for me and absolutely belongs in my diary, but which at the same time I don't want to become Big Political Thing. It's not a Big Political Thing, I don't want ppl to choose sides; it's a personal thing which has been irritating the fuck out of me recently. I guess I am sort of tied up between being an emotional exhibitionist (for people I don't know) and being as private and reticent as I often am IRL.
Thinking about a lot of things today. Some very shallow - talking to my friend Grant about what I should do with my hair, and planning my trip to NYC, thinking of places I want to go (the Met Museum and The Cloisters, some Asian shopping places, etc). Also talking Grant through his current Girlfriend Problem, which I can't even go into. Talking to my friend H., who was my Highschool Best Friend, about the weather & her job & vacations. Talking to an LJ person who I was glad to find on AIM. Etc.
Some a little more weighty - my problems with the friend who has recently grown a second head and lost all resemblance to the human I used to know, and how she had a big tiresome crisis about a year ago, which reverberated for months, and seems to have cleared up almost entirely without any input on her part. I remember her begging me "Don't judge me! Don't judge me!" before she told me about it, because she had a pretty good idea of what I would think about the situation. I thought it was a silly, entirely-avoidable mess that even two minutes of serious thought and a small amount more in the effort department would have either avoided or cleared up, but I listened to her go on about it & I don't recall ever criticizing her or giving her a hard time, even when I thought she was dealing with it in the 100% Wrong Way. (No details, really, because I'm sure she would want to keep the whole thing as private as possible, and judging from what someone told me recently, she may have outed herself as the Person I'm Talking About.***)
I think it's ironic that she should have become so judgmental of me in the ensuing year... and again, handle it the 100% Wrong Way, up to and including point-blank lying to me when I initially asked her if something was up, making me feel like a huge ass in addition to the stuff I was already feeling as a direct result of what she was doing.
Because I don't think the whole thing has sunk in yet (since I am having problems reconciling the Unapologetic Two-Faced Alien with my "cool friend"), I've been pondering it a bit, wondering what I did, and... I didn't do anything, she just developed an attitude for whatever reason, and instead of talking to me about it before it became a problem, acted on it while still pretending to be all nicey-nice, causing me a LOT of emotional confusion and a mild spate of self-loathing that I should not have had to go through. I just didn't do anything that I should have to apologize for. You tell someone everything on the assumption that you won't be judged because that's the deal you've always had, and then it happens anyway. I guess I might miss her if I weren't currently convinced that she's been taken over by an alien and grown a second head. But I'm still so irritated with her & her games that I don't really miss her at all yet, and it's helpful that all my other friends are so extra-faboo lately.
Now I am sitting here in my sweater, and just wondering if I am going to go out to finish all this homework and studying that I need to have ready for tomorrow, or if I am going to take my sweater off, wear it tomorrow, put on comfy pajamas, and finish all this homewo--- ... oh, heck.
***the conversation was mostly about censoring myself, how I don't like to even really have friends-only entries because I have a handful of friends who read this who don't have accounts, how private entries just feel weird & cannot be referred back to in public entries, etc., and how I have been unsure how to go about talking about this problem, which is very real for me and absolutely belongs in my diary, but which at the same time I don't want to become Big Political Thing. It's not a Big Political Thing, I don't want ppl to choose sides; it's a personal thing which has been irritating the fuck out of me recently. I guess I am sort of tied up between being an emotional exhibitionist (for people I don't know) and being as private and reticent as I often am IRL.